“OMG What Should i Do With All of these Leftover Champagne??”

The first regret most people experience on New Year’s morning is having bought too much champagne. Here are some handy hints to make the best of a bubbly situation:

Stage a Photo Shoot: Local newspapers and social websites are always scrambling on New Year’s Day to find pictures of the craziest parties from last night, and they’ll pay a pretty penny for the sexiest ones. If you can get up early to beat the mad rush, you can make a few extra bucks staging your own photos, making sure to include champagne so everyone thinks they are genuine New Year’s Eve pics. The most popular images are likely to feature: lovers clinking glasses, famous musicians drinking out of their instruments, and rich people pouring bottles of champagne into each other’s mouths. If you know any gymnasts, why not get them to form a pyramid and do one of those champagne cascades they do at weddings.

Trade It For Stamps: Champagne may be useless to the average person, but to the United States Postal Service it is an essential resource. The glue used to seal the inside of the average envelope is 70% champagne, necessary to conceal the unappealing poison taste of the adhesive. On New Year’s Day only, post offices in the United States are required to accept any unopened bottle of champagne, which they will happily repay in the equal value of Forever Stamps. (Although postage stamps have little to no value in the current U.S. market, they are useful if you want to mail yourself to some place where you are appreciated.)

Conduct a Science Experiment: This should be fun! Take one (1) bottle of champagne and place it in the center of your back porch. Drop one (1) Mentos candy inside the bottle. Have your brunch guests hold out cups of orange juice and see who gets the dirtiest mimosa. (Watch out for glass pieces.)

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