“On Christmas Spirit”

Between the late Kim Jong-il and “Dr.” Theodor Geisel “Seuss”. 

JONG-IL: A Christmas tree is an offensive symbol of faith. I would not want one near my border, and if South Korea puts one up, so help me God–

GEISEL: But, my dear Kimberly, where is your Christmas spirit?!

JONG-IL: There is no such thing as Christmas spirit. And if there were, it would be unfair for you to judge me based on the amount I supposedly have. North Korea is an athiest state, and you can’t say we’re any worse for our lack of seasonal enthusiasm.

GEISEL: No wonder you hold such an opinion! Look, your heart is two sizes too small!

JONG-IL: You don’t need a full-sized heart to rule a third-world nation. In fact, you might count it as a disadvantage.

GEISEL: I once wrote a story about someone like you, who hated Christmas and happiness; but it was only because he lived his life in seclusion dwelling upon past failures. By the end, you’ll be glad to know, he received his comeuppance and emerged all the better for it.

JONG-IL: Oh, hey! I recognize you now! You’re Charles Dickens, right?


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